It has begun. The last semester of my entire BA programme. The last semester equals BA thesis writing. The one paper I have dreaded writing since day one. If it were possible, I’d jump into a black hole of nothingness for the entire semester just to escape writing that one paper. Only when I come back, it would mean that I’d have to write the paper anyway because I can’t get my degree without it. Oh, the joy.
Many say that it really isn’t that bad despite the days of utter despair they experienced due to this darn paper.
Even though this paper is a product of your entire BA programme, which should mean it’s nothing new, it’s still daunting. At least to me it is. All my other peers seem to be walking the path of the daunting thesis quite cheerfully and rather smoothly.
Excuse me, what? I’m here producing brain farts because I can’t even get through the first stage of my thesis, which is basically picking a topic and all you folks are babbling on about how interesting your topic is?
Please take me to that stage.
That wraps up stage 1: Confused and envious.
Stage 2: In denial.
Here comes the worst of all. The stage in which you’re so confident with what you came up with and start picturing scenarios where your paper will be top notch and will result in pats on the backs from professors who believed in you and maybe even get published and get an award and OMG yaaassss.
You’ll show those professors who didn’t believe in you. Who shot you down repeatedly and made you feel like a total and utter buffoon.
I will throw this amazing fabulo-tastic innovative one-in-a-million blow-your-mind paper in their faces!
And then comes stage 3: Realisation.
It dawns on you that your paper isn’t all isn’t all that amazing. Heck in my case, my topic was crap. It had been researched so many times like gum at the bottom of your shoe that needed scraping off. The realisation that all that work and brain farting was for nothing and you’re still at square one.
The realisation that it was all an illusion and now you’re a whole couple of steps back compared to all your peers who have somehow magically got it all figured out and now you start questioning what the heck you’re doing here.
And the panic attacks begin. The first of many, as I’ve heard. Heck, if this is just the beginning, who knows if I’ll still be alive by the end of June. And that is not including all the other work I have to do for all my other subjects. Whoop-dee-doo.
In my case, the first of many deadlines is coming up and I’ve barely got anything. I’m still pretty unsure of my topic and I have to have a research plan set up already. Excuse me while I go take a nap..
That concludes the stage I am in at the moment. Oh, happy day.