Every year, I start off with high expectation just like any other optimistic girl wanting to make this year the best one yet! Unfortunately, as life has it, these things don’t usually work out. The disappointment is greater than actually failing that thing you had on your list about exercising more and eating healthy. With these failures, you end up learning more about yourself, like despite the fact that you are deeply aware of the nastiness that is McDonald’s, you just can’t help yourself but look forward to dinner at that beloved fast food joint like a little kid on Christmas day.
In order to avoid disappointment, I often just don’t make lists at all so I don’t have to look at them and realise what an awful person I am for not checking off those wonderful things I promised I’d be. I usually just say a couple of things and forget about them the next day. But this time, I think I will make one. Okay so the first month of 2016 is almost over. I’ve had exams since the first week of the year (and currently still am!) so I haven’t had the time to think about something other than the modern stage of drama or English and Dutch word order or Europe and its relationship to the world.
I was inspired by the lovely Sade where she talks about making a list of things you intend on doing this year.
I mean if you think about it, it all comes down to wording. It’s how many people get away with things.. the way they say things can make someone feel better or feel the complete opposite. I should know, I’m studying English.
So here we go, a list of my *intentions*:
First of all, I intend on getting my BA degree this year. I know it’s a pretty concrete thing, but I just can’t help it. I really want it and as soon as possible. I’m running out of time and student grant. I’ve spent two years extra years on getting where I am and I’m currently on my fifth (and a half) year. I need some kind of degree or whatever other than my high school diploma.
I also want to channel all my creative energy into this blog. I know it’s just a hobby but I’m enjoying it so much. I want to try to post more regularly and take the most out of it! I’ve learned that this blog is my “excuse” (for a lack of a better word) to go out and try new things. I used to be that person (and still quite often am) that would just lay in bed and think why do this or that? What’s the point? But now I don’t feel that way anymore. My outlook on experiences has changes since this blog. You live, you learn, right?
This year, I want to give myself more attention. I tend to get so lost in what other people do and say that I forget about myself. I’d rather spend my time doing something for a friend than actually doing something for myself. I spend money on others rather than myself. I’ve decided to cut myself some slack and focus on what’s important for me because, honestly, no one else is going to do that for you. You’ve got to embrace yourself with all the gory details before you can accept anyone or anything else. You gotta do what you gotta do..
I also want to think more positively about life and people around me. I’ve gotten stuck in that rut where nothing is going right for so long that it has turned my mindset completely around. I want to switch it back to being positive and I want to try and see the good in things even though they don’t seem all that great at that moment.
I want to try and educate myself. A year ago, I had the most embarrassing experience of my life. I was so ashamed at being so uninformed I could have seriously jumped into a black hole that very moment. It stuck with my for days after and I still think about it today. I had a moment of realisation that I was being rather ignorant concerning matters that were happening every day in the world. Since then I decided that I will be more in touch with the news and become more aware of the situation the world is in. Deeper common knowledge, if you will..
So there it is! It sounds doable, doesn’t it? Not very concrete things but more about my lifestyle and mindset. I can do this! Have you made a new years resolution list?
And now it’s time to go back to my essay…